My Five-Star Hospital Adventure (With a Side of Broken Hip)

Life as we know it can change in an instant. One minute, I’m packing a few things to take to my cabin in the Pines, eager to escape the triple digits of Phoenix, Arizona. The cabin has always been my summer retreat, and I could hardly wait to see my cabin friends and neighbors.

The next thing I know, I slip on a rug and break my right hip. Boom!!

The pain I experienced was unbearable. There I was, lying on the floor like a turtle flipped on its back, trying to figure out my next move. Since I couldn’t really move and it seemed like a bad idea to try, I had to think about what to do next. I’m definitely not going to just lie there waiting to see how long I could survive in that much pain.

So I called out to my trusty digital assistant: “Alexa, call 911.”

She says, “I’m sorry, Bobbie, you do not have that service.”

Excuse me, what? Here I am, having my own personal medical emergency, and Alexa decides to go all corporate on me with her fine print disclaimers.

“Alexa, this is an emergency, call 911!” I said, putting on my most authoritative voice (which, from the floor, probably sounded more like a wounded seal).

She repeats, “I’m sorry, Bobbie, you do not have that service.”

 So I said, “Alexa, who CAN you call?”

She said she could call anyone. Anyone! Just not the people specifically trained to help in emergencies. Classic.

So I told her to call my grandson, who answered immediately and called 911. Note to self: Upgrade Alexa’s emergency services package. Apparently, even smart speakers need insurance.

I was instantly taken to the Honor Health Scottsdale Osborn Medical Center, which sounds fancy enough to have valet parking for ambulances. The surgery was scheduled for 7:30 the next morning. Everything went smoothly, and there were no complications.

After explaining to the nurses that I would only take Tylenol for the pain (apparently, I’m the most polite drug refuser they’ve ever met), the doctors had to be called in. You’d think I had asked them to perform surgery with plastic spoons. They not only thought I needed oxycodone, but also insisted that I take various vitamins, aspirin, Melatonin, a laxative called Senokot, Atarax for anxiety, and a muscle relaxer.

I looked at this pharmaceutical buffet they wanted me to take and thought, “What am I, a walking chemistry experiment?” Since I lost quite a bit of weight when I was diagnosed with COPD back in 2014, my 90-pound body wasn’t going to dissolve all those pills three times a day. I’d rattle like a maraca every time I moved. So, I just said no. Nancy Reagan would have been proud.

What I didn’t refuse was the nebulizer treatment I received on my third day in my spacious room. I’m used to that treatment along with my inhaler; it’s like a morning coffee ritual, but for my lungs. What I didn’t expect was the side effect that happened just minutes after the treatment. I couldn’t breathe!

The irony wasn’t lost on me: a breathing treatment that prevents you from breathing. It’s like ordering a sandwich and getting an empty plate. My lungs were screaming for air, but I couldn’t get any. I focused on calming my anxiety and started taking slow breaths that helped me regain my sense of control. The nurse said she was just about to call Code 3 when I began breathing normally again.

I didn’t need to add that to the ‘will not take’ list; the doctor handled it right away. Even he seemed surprised that a breathing treatment decided to go rogue.

My hospital stay lasted eleven days in total, including seven days of physical therapy. I looked forward to rolling my walker into that therapy room each day like I was heading to the spa. The sooner I could walk around without looking like I was pushing a shopping cart in slow motion, the sooner I would be released.

But here’s where this story takes an unexpected turn: One thing I really enjoyed was the meals the hospital served. I know, I know; hospital food is usually the punchline of every medical joke. But this place clearly didn’t get that memo.

I was given a restaurant-style menu that included several options for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. This wasn’t your typical hospital mystery meat situation. For instance, you could build your own omelet (Gordon Ramsay and Mark Tarbell would approve), egg burrito, or egg sandwich along with choices of hot and cold cereal, breakfast breads, yogurt, and juices. My favorite was the pancakes or French toast with a side of crispy bacon. I love my bacon! They even had biscuits and gravy because nothing says “healing” like comfort food that could probably fix any ailment.

The lunch choices were too many to list, but I’ll name a few: grilled burgers, a fancy Balsamic Portobello mushroom sandwich, chicken tenders, various salads and soups, and a deli bar. It felt like a food court, but with better service and the occasional blood pressure check. My favorites were the Mediterranean Bean Salad and Caesar Salad. I was determined to keep some sense of sophistication.

Dinners were my favorite meal of the day: grilled steak, salmon, chicken breast, and shrimp. I’m starting to think I accidentally checked into a resort that just happened to have an orthopedic wing. My favorite was the pot roast with mashed potatoes. Comfort food so good that it nearly made me forget I was wearing a hospital gown that could double as evening wear, with no back.

They also offered a pasta bar and a build-your-own burrito, bowl, or quesadilla. At this point, I was expecting them to bring out a hibachi chef for dinner entertainment.

Don’t forget dessert: apple pie, cheesecake, Crème Brûlée, Coconut Mousse, pudding, sherbet, and ice cream. My favorite was the Angel Food Cake with Lemon Curd & Blueberries. I was seriously considering rating this place on Yelp as both a medical facility and a dining spot.

I certainly don’t expect to be hospitalized soon, but if the unexpected occurs, I’ll choose Honor Health Scottsdale Osborn Medical Center every time! Not just for their excellent medical care, but also because their room service surpasses most hotels.

Who knew that the secret to a successful hospital stay was realizing you’d accidentally signed up for a culinary vacation with a side of physical therapy? Next time Alexa fails me during an emergency, at least I know where to get a decent meal while I recover.

Bobbie Bennett

August 1, 2025